Loneliness – the silent epidemic!

The loneliness epidemic isn’t slowing, in fact, among black and LGBTQ+ folks the rates are increasing alarmingly.

Tragically, the progress our country has made over the past several decades seems to be quickly slipping backward. Black and LGBTQ+ communities are living with greater stress as their identity, ethnicity, and sexual orientation come under attack again. They are facing renewed and endorsed harassment, alienation, discrimination, shame and family rejection – societal pressures we hoped we might soon find in our rearview.

It’s not surprising, then, that extensive research shows the black and LGBTQ+ communities are isolating more to protect themselves. Subsequently, they have fewer close friendships, they live in loneliness, and it takes a toll on their mental health.

If this sounds familiar to you, I want to encourage you to listen to the voice in your head and that feeling in your heart that says you deserve love. There is no time like the present to start rebuilding the best version of you – the person you want to be — without guilt, shame or fear. The best way to start this journey is by taking inventory of who you are right now.

Ask yourself:

• What does a typical day look like for me?
• Does this reflect the kind of day (and life) I want to have?
• If my life were the way I want it, how would I spend my time?
• What support do I receive? What support do I provide?

In spite of everything, you can start creating the love-filled life you deserve by using these questions to find one tiny step you can take today!

Try going outside just to feel the sun and allow yourself to be seen by others. If it’s safe, throw in a wave or a smile! Graduate to reaching out to one person in your sphere, someone you admire, if you are feeling brave; or someone who you think might feel the way you do – hesitant but looking to connect. Remember that just like you need love, acknowledgment, and support, so do others. You are who you need!

You also could attend, or volunteer to work, at local events where you can meet and appreciate others and they can appreciate you. Look for these kinds of activities in your community and get involved. Nothing is too small! A nearby clothing drive, reading to our elders at a local care home, taking your little cousins for ice cream. The ability to connect is an innate desire but is also a muscle you must build – start with an easy lift.

While change is a few small (and difficult) decisions away, I want to emphasize how critical it is to begin cultivating a strong home base – mine is my wife and my therapist. When I — a black, queer woman — venture out and explore new connections and it doesn’t go well, I cannot emphasize enough what a gift it is to have my home base to return to for strength and support. Maybe now is the time to try therapy again or call that person you worry has forgotten about you.

The neutral truth is this: You have to be brave to find or maybe even create the world where you can be the person you deserve to be, with the love you deserve to have. Bravery means doing it when you are scared.

I know this firsthand – the family who raised me had a hard time accepting my sexual orientation. I struggled to imagine “family” as a place where I could be my authentic self without guilt or shame. This caused me to forget about the feelings of my siblings and closest friends. They thought I had abandoned them when really, I thought they’d be better off without me.

Today, I am happy to say I can be completely who I am with my partner and my community and unveil the parts of me that I was afraid to reveal for fear of rejection. I am my true self and the version of me that I respect and admire. Once you know and love who you are, it’s easier than ever to show that person off!

Remember that you are part of this world, and a very integral part! Do not let anyone take that away from you. Go into the world with confidence. At first it can be uncomfortable, and you may feel rejected, but there are people waiting to be in your corner and push you back into the ring. Debrief, dust off the ugliness, re-energize and step back into the world again. You can face what is out there because you are resilient, brave, valuable and worthy. With each new connection, you are building confidence and an authentic you one step at a time. Working together, we can create a community of connection, acceptance, love and support.