The CRSH blog was established to serve as a knowledge source for relationship and sexual health. Through Dr. Kort, this blog explores diverse sex topics ranging from sex addiction to gender identity to relationship building strategies.
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In the many years I have worked as a therapist, the three most common reasons for relationship conflicts are: 1. infidelity, 2. finances, and 3. kids
1. Infidelity - Finding out your partner has been unfaithful can throw your relationship into crisis mode and possibly even destroy it. Today, with social media, partners can have a relationship that is not physical, but is still considered cheating. Sexting and suggestive conversations are two ways of cheating that are easy and very tempting. When the trust in a relationship is lost, it is hard to regain it.
In working with couples on improving their relationship, I often find a lot of power dynamics going on - one person is in control and the other is submissive. It is critical to the success of the relationship that equalization occur. The power struggle must disappear. Couples must focus on overcoming their obstacles, not trying to win. They must find a way to let go, to forgive and move forward so they can build the relationship they want.
It is estimated that 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before age 18. Typically, this occurs within a long-term, on-going relationship, that escalates over time, usually lasting about 4 years. As adults, these men may experience severe depression and other symptoms associated with post-traumatic stress (PTSD), and have self-destructive behaviors, including out-of-control behaviors with sex or alcohol and other drug use. Often, these men choose not to seek help.
We’re always hearing we could have a better sex life. But, how often do we actually go ‘under the covers’ to better understand our desires and most embarrassing questions? How do you decide who you’re going to trust with some of your most intimate experiences? Most people do their best to try to fix issues in a relationship when it’s not going well. But sometimes, seeking professional help in this area can be fraught with risk as some therapists aren’t able to deal with these intimate issues effectively.
There needs to be two separate, parallel conversations, when couples come to sex therapy. One, about the emotional health within the relationship, and the other, about sexual health. Many people think that if the relationship gets better, then the sex will too, or vice versa. Both are a myth.
I see many clients who struggle with their identity; who fear acceptance; who are full of self-criticism and negativity.
"I'm different; I don't fit in."
"I'm not good enough to be accepted by those I admire."
"If people see the real me, they will not accept me."
For some, the tendency toward negative thinking is related to core beliefs. LGBT individuals may feel inadequate or unlovable, and, as a result, negative feelings are commonplace and expected. Core beliefs, first developed in childhood, are deeply ingrained and are repeatedly reinforced through our old coping patterns.
Before any change can happen, it is important to establish a safe space for clients to explore their feelings so they can begin to feel comfortable articulating them.
@drjoekort RT @DrDavidLey: Loved doing this show today with joe! Talked Sex addiction, Wham! and beard oil. https://t.co/qF689xVHMS
@drjoekort RT @LAKinkShrink: I'm proud to be a guest on the "Smart Sex, Smart Love" podcast. Thanks @DrJoeKort for letting me talk about consensual no…
@drjoekort @DrDavidLey Hahaha
@drjoekort @LAKinkShrink I was so happy to have you and can’t wait to promote it even more once it’s out.
@drjoekort @DrDavidLey Yes I think the beard oil really lubricated our talk :-)